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sa • ku • ra [23 May 2017|08:00pm]

theidolhands
The day is arguably bleak,

I prefer it; honest, challenging - a mirror.

Teeming rain all night, black streets made slick,

Chill hanging in the air,

Reminder of warmth,

A gift,

Back to when people planted dark red trees,

Nature evolved joy thriving amid turmoil,

Blossoms,

On an early morning walk,

Pink whispers; fearless, transparent - a voice.
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Wormed Away [22 May 2017|09:15am]

theidolhands
A beautiful grey rainy day,

An earthworm feels along the pathway, and caused me to stop, and consider:

The cemented zone, from towering monument to towering monument of human achievement is so wide and so long here.

Whom else would bother? I remain still, umbrella in hand. Considering. A young man behind clomps by oblivious, and donning headphones.

I turn, a glance, sharp sting of guilt. But. It lives.

Right before a wall that's made of glass, inside is a runner going nowhere, on a machine in perpetual motion, gazing ever forward and directly before the situation. Risk the humiliation?

Ah well...I was odd before!

So. Back the step or two, bend. Far, far, down to the ground.

It is not so easy to grasp an earthworm, have you tried lately?

Once upon a time, I did it all the time -- in childhood, when I could not fathom how adults managed to not to get grass stains on their pants.

Finally, the translucent body yields, organs visible under pink skin; a thousand ringlets, a million years older than us, losing the battle to wriggle away from a similarly translucent hand, whose ringlets exist instead as "knuckles" and "fingerprints". Up now.

Walking lithely, to the garden foliage, mere feet away...or an acre for a small, sightless creature easy to become as a bird's meal.

Safe now. Well, safer.

Grateful...for all these feelings, if not the bit of slime in my touch -- wiped away -- by petting a dampened shrub.

I chuckle.

We are all part of the journey.
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A Christmas Story. [23 Aug 2013|02:06am]

shoelace009
Bum, bum, bum bum, bum, bum. My forehead stuck to the cold wood of the kitchen table as the dishwasher drummed on. Either something was broken or off track because it had been doing it the last few times we ran it.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. I allowed its steady, faithful rhythm to absorb me, constantly waiting for that next beat, enjoying having nothing to think about but just that noise and the discomfort of my position. I sat there for a good twenty minutes, alternating between eyes closed and staring at the dark and light grains immediately in front of me to the point where it began to seem as if that was all there was and I would never have anything to think about again.

"Hey, dumbass, mom is calling for you."

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. That's all I wanted to hear.

"LACEY."

I looked up, a little dazed not out of flakiness but rather out of the unattractiveness of my present situation, a situation over which I had chosen the drumming of a dishwasher.

My older brother just rolled his eyes and looked at the kitchen door as he opened the fridge. He grabbed an open can of beer from the top shelf, took a long, loud swig from it, crushed the can, and burped. He opened the door to the basement where his room was and tossed the can in the trash on his way down, muttering, "Fucking nutcases."

I watched after him, no longer pacified by the dishwasher, its drumming beginning to taunt me to move on out of the kitchen and let it go about its business of cleaning what plates weren't lying broken on the dirty, currently off-white linoleum.

There was a creak in the living room. I braced myself, looking at the door onto the patio. But it was the last week in December and I didn't have my jacket. Oh well, I thought, sliding out of my chair, doing my best not to upset it or make any noise.

As I turned around the chair, I made eye contact with a figure in the living room. It wasn't my mother. Judy, mom's latest husband's sister. Average looking, forty, never that friendly when things had been going well but civil. She, like the rest of them, had only ever been concerned with talking to their side of the family at holidays, parties, what have you. I'd always been kind of invisible so I wasn't quite sure as if she'd bother to grace me with her attentions then.

She averted her eyes and then, as if changing her mind about ignoring me, gave me a half-hearted, half-interested wave.

"Hi Judy."

"Hi." She looked about her and began to fidget with the strap of a duffel bag she had set in front of her feet. "I'm just here to get some of Bill's things, you know."

"Yeah."

"Well he'll be expecting me."

"Sure."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I watched her attempt to slide out the door, banging all of the luggage and duffel bags into it as she tried to force through, obviously determined on only making one trip. I stood behind her as she left, pulling the screen door shut and staring at the red pickup parked along the road, next to our empty driveway. He was in it next to John, Judy's conceited, haughty, falsely narcissistic, bigot of a husband. John was laughing. He'd just got his buddy back for Sunday night football or whatever day that showed. Why wouldn't he be laughing? He wasn't the one who had lost anything.

Read more...Collapse )
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And Her Words Dripped Sarcasm . . . [18 Jan 2013|08:36pm]

hamlet_reborn
[ mood | melancholy ]

Your hand went creeping up my thigh
When I was the tender age of five
One would think I would be traumatized
But somehow I'm still half-alive
With enough courage to wear a bitter half-smile
And attempt to bury the memory of you in my brain's dustiest files
And yet . . .
Every so often I find them and break down once in a while
And discover that I'm still that same frightened child . . .

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[22 Mar 2012|06:53pm]

akai_yume_ai
[ mood | drained ]

She wakes. He sleeps. Alone; together.

Love me not... Vacant eyes plead.

Where am I? Lost and found.

Again and again... She walks on.

Held high. No pride in sight.

Alone she smiles. Free at last.

Her last breath; warm. Fly away

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For Death Took You [09 Feb 2010|10:46pm]

angela_shadow13
[ mood | melancholy ]

It's me again. This poem was inspired by the fact that some of my loved ones have passed away. This is in the point of view of a guy.

FOR DEATH TOOK YOU

 

You feel no pain and cold

As you sleep on;

You dream no dream

In your blank mind.

 

You let nothing caress,

Smoothen that cold, lifeless skin,

You let no warmth

Seep in deep.

 

Fluttering of eyelids

Are impossible—

You are immobile

As you rest.

 

I disturb you not

As you lie there;

I pause to imagine

You still breathing.

 

You know nothing,

You remember none at all.

It’s bliss for you;

I envy you, since I feel pain, still.

 

You have withered young.

Your unmarred face

Pale and white,

Your lips turning blue.

 

The image I see

Is the opposite

Of the you that made my lips

Curl upwards each day.

 

Your radiance is gone,

Your light has vanished.

I’m left with a void,

I’m left with grief.

 

As I walk away,

I reminisce your last moments—

Our last moments—as companions

Prior to your passing away.

 

And salty tears cascade down my cheeks

From my dull brown eyes.




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That age old question.... [04 Feb 2010|09:42pm]

lovelieladie
[ mood | morose ]

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened.... had I gone the other way. Would he have raped me? Would I have killed him? They say everything that is meant to happen, does. Are some of us "meant" to be tortured forever? 

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened.... had my mother not chosen chemo therapy. Would the Mexico treatment have worked? Would she still be here today to answer my phone calls? Would she have suffered as much as she did? If she only knew how much I miss her...

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened... had I not swerved to miss that dog. If I were not speeding. If that truck had turned the other direction. Would I have ended up in a coma? Would I have died multiple times? Would I be in so much pain today? It's hard to say. 

"What if?" - that IS the question, isn't it? 

What if I DID go the other way and he never laid a hand on me? I wouldn't have shot him. I wouldn't be living with the guilt of what I did... no matter what he deserved. 

What if Mom DIDN'T die and she were still here today? My life would be so different... better? Of course "better." 

And What if I wasn't in my accident? I wouldn't have died. I wouldn't have to deal with the voices and visions. I wouldn't be in this much pain. 

But again - they say everything happens for a reason. Hmmm.

So my dear reader... I leave you with that question of "What If?" What if you weren't sitting here reading some random persons late night thoughts? And what if I weren't writing these thoughts down... screaming, "I EXIST." That's all LiveJournal is, isn't it? Another way for us to beg the world to notice our existence? 

Noticed or not. We are here... and I hope you are feeling better than I...... 

1 comment|post comment

poem i wrote [20 Dec 2009|10:52am]
potterfreak1
Overrun by powerful emotions
Trapped at a dead end
Only way out is to conquer the dreaded emotion
It's like a shadow so dark and menacing
I avoid it at all times

The shadow follows me wherever I go
Never relenting
Becoming more powerful as its quest progresses
The more I avoid it the stronger it becomes



Never letting me forget
Never giving me a moments peace
No matter how hard I try to repress what I'm feeling
Its always there
Growing stronger as each moment passes


Days go by
I get better at hiding behind a mask
Pretending to be normal
Soon the days give in to weeks
And the weeks surrender to months
Slowly my mask becomes reality
And I forget about the shadow lurking inside
Until one day
When the shadow takes over
Exploding
Leaving me defenseless to its power
Left to fend myself in the wake of destruction
powerless




you can find this poem in the creative corner of http://selfhelp.yuku.com a mental health support site that i made, and i would love to have your poems at the site. hope it helps you.
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Hello... [06 Sep 2009|01:37am]

tony2btrue2self
[ mood | crushed ]


Darkness,
bleak, misunderstanding,
everything is black,
even the light is gray.
Rain falling
comfortable
peaceful
horrid.
The bed is my only sactuary
with the pills as it's members.
Foget how many I take,
it delivers me into the other side
a dream world,
being carried down a childhood street
flooded with warm blue water,
I try to stand but I cannot drown.
The alarm fails,
I awake like a stone
laying there
there is no drive that I can see.
I want to talk to them
I want to cry.
I can't.
I'm too numb.
I'm waling dead.
Silence.
There is no need to walk on
but one foot falls in front of the other.
It's the only way.
Always forward
until she drags me down again,
oh to be held in strong arms,
to fall asleep.
the be sane.
to be cured.
Never.
too fucked up.
no hunger
no sleep.
no escape.

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The Reason for My Sorrow [09 Mar 2009|02:22am]

angela_shadow13
[ mood | melancholy ]

This is a poem that I composed three years ago when I was still a freshman in high school (according to my country's educational standard). I was 13 back then.

The POV (point of view) of this poem is of a guys'. So this poem is not exactly about me because I'm a girl (although I was struck by my own emotions in this). It doesn't follow any specific rhythm. I'm a little dark, but I'm definitely not emo. Depressed? Yes. Gloomy? Yes. Emo? No.

And I'm very sleepy because here in my side of the earth, it's already 2:16 am....

The Reason for My Sorrow


You are the reason why
I'm smiling in delight,
For your eyes, they gleam
With their own unique light.

I know you're sincere
Of everything you say and do,
Unlike myself who is not, will not be
As sincere and true as you.

You are the reason why
I think before I sleep at night
Only to find that I would awake
Into reality-- it gives me fright.

I know you hate it
When I feel depressed,
My head bent very low.
But don't you know
That you are the reason why?
No, you don't know.

I know you love to see Calla lilies,
Which mean undying beauty.
For it matches you, the lily,
It matches your beauty completely.

You are the reason why
I smile when I see one everyday
For you are my only,
One and only beauty.
But I'm not yours,
And you're not mine
And that reality only saddens me.

You are the reason why
My heart bleeds slowly
From painful feelings, I can't withstand.
My heart is vacant, so is my life,
With you, not holding my outstretched hand.

You are the reason why
I dwell in and treasure the past
For memories are the only things
That I can catch and grasp.
But all of these memoreis
Are shrouded with unbearable pain
Making me suffer, torturing me whole.
Endless, bottomless, like a large, black hole.

I know that you only
Consider me as a friend
A best friend, in fact,
With a friendship that would never end.
But our bond ends there,
Yes, we're nothing more
Yes, we will always be friends forever
Only friends, and nothing,
Nothing more.

With a heavy heart,
I force myself to endure,
Endure the pain that I feel'
Endure forevermore.
But everyday I dread
My future and tomorrow
For tomorrow, you'll be,
Yes, always be,
The reason for my sorrow.

Please tell me what you think. Opinions are highly appreciated and welcome. Just don't be too harsh.

5 comments|post comment

Please Review: Dark Matter [07 Mar 2009|09:19am]

anemicghost
Dark Matter

In the days of old, the priest whom they called Nonimb had sought to uncover The Secret. When Nonimb found The Secret he was astonished, as it was surprisingly held within a young girl named Akasha. He had never had the intention of killing a human for The Secret. Relentlessly he sought to unveil the truth. But it had not been he who had found the teen, in fact she had come straight to him. Nonimb watched her in the dreamland, studied her psyche for a very long time until the answers began to unfold in a series of peculiar events. This time was in an age before our planet took the once microscopic organisms, and had turned them into immortal demons.

Humans called them demons or beings with no soul. Souls are made from the ingredients of the elements of dreams and dark matter. These beings were of no soul, only they could retain physical life and flesh on and on throughout the decades. They never slept, for they preyed upon those in the dreamworld for energy. These demons had virility and none can see an end to their plight as the darkness had begun to take over the Universe.

It had been an age of forgotten time, and all the creepers and creatures who were enemies of the Queen came unto earth in a rage of Nightmares. There were Reptilian beasts of all sizes and talents. There were the flying seamonsters, the giant worms, the bat-winged drakkos, and the herculean beasts of the bird-watchers. The bird-watchers could shape-shift into any creature that flies. But none of the creatures could ever compare to powers of The Black Mage. Read more...Collapse )
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pain [20 Feb 2009|11:41am]

brokenwings77
[ mood | distressed ]

Your smile
Chases away
The darkness in my soul
That hides there
Prowling in the shadows
Waiting for days like this

The darkness opens before me
Threatening to swallow me whole
It opens its sharp arms
I run into them
It cuts me open
I bleed on the floor
Uncaring
Watch me not care

3 comments|post comment

Storm [20 Feb 2009|09:03am]

brokenwings77
[ mood | lost ]

A storm is brewing
I can sense it
Growing

I feel the first raindrop
From the storm
A tear brimming in my eye
It spills over
Courses down my cheek

The storm begins
The rain falls
My tears pour

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Bleeding [12 Sep 2008|06:14pm]

russia_rainbows
[ mood | creative ]

Picking up the peices to my once battered heart.

Bloody and bruised, used until my last breath.

TOrn and ugly, it's been through a personal war against my mind.

Broken, Bleeding, and empty it sits int he palm of my hand.

It's Crimson liquid dripping to the floor.

It's still, never to beat again.

It's gone and dead, useless now.

Every emotion i've ever felt seeping through it's pores, and now it's all for nothing.

I am a shadow with out my heart, no pulse.

I am nothing without my beating.


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Only Your 'Love' does this to me... [11 Sep 2008|08:15pm]

russia_rainbows
[ mood | chipper ]


I'm kept here by these chains that forever hold me down.

Broken by even the thought of you.

I want to feel you in my veins, but the longing just to much.

Every second tics away, as times just smothers me.

I'm haunted by your shadow, thats halfway soothing me.

This forcefull wait is meant to suffocate, and it does it's job well.

Searing on to very depth, as your sink into me.

Your laughter only mingles with my heart.

Your 'love' tears me to Shame.

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Sometimes... [05 Jun 2008|10:17am]

brokenwings77
[ mood | drained ]

The darkness is like a razor
Its not something you can ignore
No matter how much you implore
You still end up on the floor

I wish the darkness would just leave
Then maybe in love I could believe
Instead I sit here and seethe
While I try to breathe

Maybe if it left I could be happy
Instead of sitting here feeling all crappy

But it won't leave
It never leaves 

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[18 Apr 2008|02:42pm]

kismekiki17

Something’s not right

When a girl like her

Loses faith

In her own beauty

And it becomes a blur

She hears you’re too fat

At one hundred and ten

Voices say drop the food

It’s a killer best friend

Oh the pain she must feel

When she follows society

She loses the weight

But the world’s still not happy

They send out the message

To girls like her

And like you

That you’re way too big

If you wear a size two

Now something’s not right

When every girl has to fight

The scale and the mirror

Every damn night

So how does this effect

Those poor girls in a ten

No way they are fat

they're still beautiful and thin

The world’s message kills

Girls are destroying their health

To be what society says

Is they’re perfect self

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I need sleep! sort of comical [28 Jan 2008|06:01am]

kismekiki17

 

 

“Social Rules or What make who”

 

Without trends

They don’t care who you are

With popular friends

You’re a movie star

Some girls are geeks until they make cheer

They once were called freaks

But she’s sexy this year

Reading’s for nerds

Cheerleaders are stuck up

You’re a total whore

If you’re past a C-cup

Jocks are boneheads

Guys whose best friends are girls

Are always homos

If you cut your wrist

You’re such an emo

If girls wear mini skirts

She wants some action

People only have crazy hair

Just want a reaction

Did you know pretty girls

Have never have problems

Every good-looking guy

Has a wallet full of condoms

What’s wrong with society

Are they trying to fit in

By labeling people

Making up there sins

Why can’t in but

Not be labeled

There are a lot of cool people

That doesn’t sit at the popular table

What started all this

Will it ever end

By judging people by stereotypes

What kind of message do you think that sends

Think about it

When putting everyone in these groups

Have you ever thought of

What people say about you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Social Rules or What make who” [28 Jan 2008|06:01am]

kismekiki17
 

“Social Rules or What make who”

 

Without trends

They don’t care who you are

With popular friends

You’re a movie star

Some girls are geeks until they make cheer

They once were called freaks

But she’s sexy this year

Reading’s for nerds

Cheerleaders are stuck up

You’re a total whore

If you’re past a C-cup

Jocks are boneheads

Guys whose best friends are girls

Are always homos

If you cut your wrist

You’re such an emo

If girls wear mini skirts

She wants some action

People only have crazy hair

Just want a reaction

Did you know pretty girls

Have never have problems

Every good-looking guy

Has a wallet full of condoms

What’s wrong with society

Are they trying to fit in

By labeling people

Making up there sins

Why can’t in but

Not be labeled

There are a lot of cool people

That doesn’t sit at the popular table

What started all this

Will it ever end

By judging people by stereotypes

What kind of message do you think that sends

Think about it

When putting everyone in these groups

Have you ever thought of

What people say about you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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what makes a slut? [21 Jan 2008|04:16pm]

kismekiki17

What makes a slut?

The ideal promiscuous beauty

Maybe the one who labels it

And thinks she can see right through me

Why is it always

Just girls who get the guy

Even if you’re the one

Who does everyone in sight

Now that just isn’t right

That word is always thrown around

Like a football so their tears

Represent the touch down

That poor girl didn’t do a thing

But all these jerks are lined up

Because you spread she was easy

So doesn’t that make you the whore

Maybe not with your body

But you’re counterfeit words

You just love to see them hurt

The girls with their 9-month bellies

Hidden under their shirt

So is that what makes a skank

Just cause it’s harder for her

To hide her mistakes

Yet you’re recent mistakes have made you a wreck

And she’s the one

Who’s protecting your rep

 

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